It's an odd thing when you realise just how much you rely on other people's thoughts to do an action. I know I have intense worries about being accepted and loved and all of that, but I never paid much thought to how others opinions of who I hang out with and what I do actually influence all that I am and all the actions I take.
It's easy for someone to say, "don't give a shit about what others think about you". But when push comes to shove you listen to everyone you care about who you think cares about you, then you act accordingly. Sure that may just seem like accepting their opinions and whatever. But i've been really thinking about it lately and I felt like a complete idiot. I'll tell you why.
People started telling me I shouldn't be with who I am with and it started making me actually thinking about everything I had just put to rest in my mind. I made myself confused and rethink everything I thought of already. Something hit me in this huge moment of confusement, (I say moment, it lasted about three days.) I am actually rethinking everything I spent a good few days thinking about already. I went through this with a clearer mindset then right now with all these things that people have said to me in my head, what the hell am I doing? So i figured i'd be true to the saying i've been taking this piss out of for weeks.... Fuck it, YOLO, I want to do this, I want to just fucking follow my heart rather than my brain. My heart feels good when i'm with this person. Sure it felt good with another person... But that bridge burned when well, when I learned what I was to her. So now when I think of the girl I religiously thought of and trusted and felt so good to be with, all I get is hurt. And a lot of it. But anyway, that's my own issue. I do actually have a point and it is this.
When we are young, like I am, we have to stop thinking about all of the complications, we have to stop being so close to people and feeling like their our world. We don't know. All we can do is take a chance and when people see an issue, listen, but don't start worrying about it for ages and let it echo through your mind every single day. Fuck that. Life is fleeting, as is the opportunities and people that come up in our lives. So take them by the hand, see how you feel, and if you want it, take it and see where it leads you. Life is a fucking roller coaster of an adventure. At the end of the day all we can really do is hold on and trust. If it breaks don't fucking let go and be the reason for your untimely demise. No. If it breaks you hold on and you find another track that feels right and see where that leads you. We have time. And a fuck load of it. Don't complicate things. Just be.
