So I went to a strip place and my god was it fun. But there was something about that night that burns into my brain. A man who obviously spends a lot of time at that place talked to my friend and I (No, it's not like that, he was lovely). He read me somehow and said something so simplistic and so amazing that I feel my eyes have opened a little. "Go back to school. Follow your passion." It's like he knew me forever and I just felt so serene knowing that someone out there knows I do have a creative mind that yearns to be free and grow. I want the knowledge to write to the public and interest and inspire people. Bleurgh. Just thought i'd like people to know.
Anyway, readers, have you ever made such a stupid mistake you wanted to rewind time and just slap yourself in the face? I know I do. I have the tendency to get either very angry or very horny when I'm drunk, a few days ago the very angry drunk Emily came out and unfortunately did not have the calm and understanding mind of sober Emily. I hate upsetting people. No matter how much I dislike them or how much I anger them I always look at it through their eyes and feel I have enough of an understanding to know why they would do things that make me angry and just let it go. That power went away that day due to alcohol and anger and now a part of me is just crumbling. Readers, i can't deal with mistakes, and hiding away from my feelings of something bad that happened a couple of weeks ago has become a huge problem. So i'm here to say, I need an audience to talk to and release my thoughts. I know deep down I am not meant to be with the man I love and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I know this. But it hurts me to know there is a part of me that will never want to see him again because it would always hurt me. This has happened before and I can't bear to think of them anymore. My beating around the bush and putting on a brave face slapped me right back. Now the man I love will become a bad memory of a bad ending. I'm losing the closest people to me left and right because I can't deal with myself. I have to say it's heart breaking. Fixing all my relationships with my friends and ex-lovers is going to be very difficult. But I'm sick of cutting people out. It's time to try to let some people in...
Wish me luck. Hopefully I'll learn something from this journey.
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